Are you considering having your first domination session with a London Pro Domme (dominatrix). Most guys will come in for their very first session, a complete and utter nervous wreck. What are the tell tale signs? Well everyone reacts differently, but usually the majority of men will be experiencing a mixture of excitement and anxiety, at the same time. So it is only normal that you may appear awkward, fidgety or perhaps have the tendency to talk too much or too little to cover your nervous feelings. This why I have developed a Beginners guide to booking a dominatrix in London, UK.
Remember, however, that some of these nervous symptoms will always happen, naturally occurring, when meeting someone new. Experiencing nerves can be a good thing as it gets our adrenaline pumping. The one thing, all first time session goers have in common, is that they leave feeling relieved, happy and proud of themselves for finally booking a dominatrix. Some will even wish they conquered their initial fear a lot sooner, shocked at how easy, and exciting their experience turned out be.
Mistresses Online Presence is Not Reality
Our online presence is a persona of our true self, you may see us as intimidating and unapproachable. I know this, because in my videos I play myself with a vicious streak and no empathy, “Princess Pain” however this does not mean that I play this character in all of my sessions, or in my real life. I can adapt to many different session styles from playful to extreme and I am confident that many other dominatrix’s can do the same.
“An alter ego is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person’s normal or true original personality. A person who has an alter ego is said to lead a double life”.
Having admired us from afar, can also make us dominatrix’s seem untouchable, a celebrity to you. I remember meeting one client for the first time who was so nervous, said to me, “I haven’t meet anyone as famous as you,” to which I looked at him as if he had two heads, and said “me, famous?” I’d never heard something so hilarious in all my life.
Portrayed Persona and Alter Ego’s
People forget that we are just normal people, like they are. We laugh, we joke, we cry. I guess we just happen to be more open minded and experienced than other women, with regards to the BDSM lifestyle. Remember, at one point, we were newbies, we were nervous and it was OUR first time too.
I’ve had a wide range of clients, ages 18 and all the way up to 80 years of age, I kid you not. Whatever their age or reason, they where delighted to have booked their first domination session. A secret world they always knew deep down they belonged.
Beginners Guide, Booking a Dominatrix Key Points
1. Things you should consider when booking a mistress (session goals / fetishes interests).
2. How to search for a dominatrix, where do I look?
3. Tips on how to book a dominatrix (mistress) and finalise a session
4.What happens after you have booked the session
Step 1: What am I Looking For?
Some men will know exactly what they are looking for. Other men are somewhat undecided and will only learn what they favour after their first few sessions. It’s okay to tell your mistress that it’s your first time and that you are not exactly sure what fetishes you are into. However, you should try to have a general idea of a few fetishes that you would like to try.
Make a list of the things you are interested in and would like to try. Don’t leave anything out even if you assume a Dominatrix doesn’t offer it. Below you will find a few questions I have drawn up, you can ask yourself. Hopefully you can get a better sense of what you would like to experience. Not every question may apply to you, but this is all part of the fun in establishing what fetishes appeal to you.
Why do you want to see a Dominatrix?
The answer to this can be anything from to feel their power, to be humiliated, controlled or even punished. The list is endless. Find out what your primary goals are.
What types of fetishes intrigue you?
This is similar to the above question, however instead of relating to feelings, you will try and relate to the activities (fetishes) that you would like to experience or enjoy fantasying about. If you find it hard to express your fantasies in words, short video clips, (strapon, bondage, scissoring, ball busting) are a great way of showing your mistress how you envisage your first session experience. PLEASE NOTE : this is not an excuse for sending random porn videos with the line “will you do this”.
Are you submissive?
I have found during my time as a female wrestler / dominatrix, that there are two types of men. One simply wants to surrender, loves to be taken charge of and controlled by a dominant woman. The other, the resister, enjoys being forced, punished, abused and beaten into submissiveness. It is important to note also that in session wrestling, it is often the desire of the man to be dominated and beaten. However this does not mean that all men who wrestle are submissive, as some men, simply love rolling about with a beautiful women, feeling their power for fun.
Are you a masochist?
Their are varying levels of masochism (pain), everyone is different. It is important to identify if this is what you like. If you dislike receiving pain, you are definitely not a masochist.
If you like pain! remember to portray correctly the level of pain you would like to experience during your session. Always inform your dominatrix of your pain tolerance for the fetish requested. The last thing you want is to mention confidently that you can take a lot of pain, only to find out that a swift kick to the balls, has you weeping on the floor like a 10 year old girl.
You may thoroughly enjoy the pain associated with caning, flogging, slapping. Other fetishes (CBT, Ball Busting, Strapon, Needle Play) are on another level, when it comes to pain. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU REQUEST!
Do you enjoy role-plays?
Do you enjoy acting out fantasy scenarios, some of which may include: (Teacher, School Girl, Boss, Secretary, Assassin, Spies, Amazons, Comic Characters) then you would enjoy sessions with a role play emphasis.
Do you fantasise about being a slave?
If you have a strong desire to belong to a dominatrix and be trained by her. It is most likely that you are a deeper kind of submissive called a slave, fetish speciality (slave training).
Do you enjoy being restrained?
For certain individuals the thought of being restrained using, rope, cuffs, cling film or tape, can derive sensual pleasure from the feeling of helplessness and immobility. Additional forms of BDSM can be performed while being restrained enhancing the experience. Spanking, flogging, strapon, orgasm denial are popular fetishes that compliment being restrained.
Do you fantasy about particular items of clothing?
Certain individuals have a fetish for (High Heels, Boots, Leather, PVC, Latex, Gloves, Stockings and Pantyhose). Session requests generally include a particular fetish accompanied by an item of clothing to be worn during the session to complete the fantasy.
Fantasise about a particular body part?
You are most likely into a form fetish involving a part or parts of the body : feet, calve, ass, muscle, hands, legs etc. Other fetishes that are similar in nature, ass worship, face sitting may also be of interest to you. Sessions include, domination or worship, depending on the fantasy.
Are you interested in being degraded?
Surprisingly, many men wish to be degraded by their mistress, made to serve them. Session can include, Face Slapping, Whipping, Over the Knee (OTK), Spitting, Orgasm Denial, Verbal Abuse, Findom are all fetishes that degrade men.
Interested in water sports or hard sports?
Some hardcore individuals fantasies about having their mistress urinate (water sports) or defecate (hard sports) on them. If your into any type of extreme toilet fetish, water sports or scat. There are two mistresses who are queens of scat. Mistress Evelyn and Ingrid Frost, these girls are hardcore.
There are so many forms of BDSM and session activities, above are just a few popular fetish specialities, the list goes on. Below is comprehensive list that I obtained of Session Mistress, a dominatrix directory for London and the UK.
Ball Busting – Ass Worship – Face Slapping – Forced Bi – Wrestling – Age Play – Chastity Play – Spitting – Smoking – Cross Dressing – Orgasm Denial – Smothering – Strapon – Corporal Punishment – Bondage _ Medical Play – Cuckhold – Small Penis Humiliation – Face Sitting – Slave Training – Electrics – Puppy Training – Spanking – CBT – Body Worship – Feminisation – Verbal Abuse – Hard Sports – Water Sports – Findom – Breath Play – Humiliation – Roleplay – Wax Play – Foot and Boot Worship – Trampling – Double Domme – Tie and Tease – Sissy Training – Mummification – Latex and PVC – Wax Play – Anal Play – Interrogations – Sensory Deprivation – Needle Play
Step 2: Booking a Dominatrix London
Trying to find a Pro Domme, is easier said than done. One dominatrix may have the perfect look, but doesn’t offer the fetishes you like. Another may offer the activities you like, but doesn’t have the look you desire : tall, strong, busty etc. Here are some tips on how to find the perfect mistress.
Most professional dominatrix’s will have a website, featuring well-written content, gallery, fetish interests, reviews, contact info, social media links. Some mistresses also include their rates.
A great tip I have received from a client. If you go onto a mistresses social media account, most pro dommes have a twitter account. Here you can see their latest tweets, pictures and videos etc. This is a great way to tell how active a mistress is within the BDSM community.
Do your Research
With a little research you quickly ascertain the main fetish interests of a dominatrix. It may be common practice for a pro domme to list many fetish interests, but in reality they only really specialise in a small number. For example, I am well known as female wrestler, with bone crushing scissors. I can literally crush a guy between my thighs, thats my speciality, male domination through raw power.
Are you looking for a dominatrix with a large amount of technical skills, go with a long-time experienced Domme who has been around the BDSM community and has a large online presence vs someone new. I myself can look back at my first year as a session wrestler, how I have evolved and developed in the past few years.
Dominatrixes Don’t Offer SEX!
Most pro domme’s do not engage in sexual acts, if you are after more of a sensual domination session. Check first, before booking a dominatrix, describe your ideal session scenario. You should be polite when doing so, for instance you could say, “I know this is unlikely and forgive me if you do not, but I just wanted to know if you offer …………… In a session, it is not a deal breaker if you don’t but I would just wanted to know what your limits are in a session to see if our interests match‘.
Another way of checking the legitimacy of a mistress before booking, is to fact check her images using Google’s Image Search. Everyone knows that you can check google for images, but did you know that you can use google to track and verify images. The tool is simple to use and allows you to see where a particular images appears across the web, including custom date ranges.
Track and Verify Information about an Image
Most Pro Dommes will ask for a deposit, to protect her from any loss of income, should you decide to cancel a session within an unreasonable time frame. Perform the simple checks above, image search, cross reference websites with social media accounts and read reviews. If everything checks out, you can feel confident in sending a deposit. Established dominatrixes have reputations to protect and have no interest in scamming you out of your deposit.
STEP 3. Booking a Dominatrix
When corresponding with a pro-domme, remember to be polite. Ask questions if you have them. A dominatrix is accustomed to working with nervous newcomers. Just remember that she isn’t a mind reader. If you have a strange fetish that is not listed on her website, mention it. Chances are she has heard of it before. If your fetish imposes on one of her hard limits, respect her boundaries just as she will respect yours.
Stop, Think first before initial communication
Before sounding like a nervous wreck on the phone or sending her hundreds emails because you forgot to ask all your questions the first time. Stop, make a mental list of the things you want to ask her like, availability, location, rates and fetish requests. Make sure she did not already answer your questions on her website or sister websites and you simply skipped over reading it.
Tell her what you are into but don’t write her a novel. She will only assume you are some horny creep spanking his monkey. Be as professional sounding as possible. From the moment we read your first sentence, we are scanning your email for warning signs “flakes and time wasters.” People who are serious about booking a session, will state their interests, dates, times. It is always good practice to mention that paying a deposit is not an issue.
How to contact a dominatrix
Popular dominatrix’s will receive a significant amount of emails daily. It is her job to weed out the good from the bad. To ensure you receive a response it is important to seem genuine, your email can be descriptive and informative but try to keep it to the point and state that you are interested in booking a session.
Perfect Email Example
“ Dear Sara
My name is David. I am new to the domination scene and very nervous but decided I would like to do my first ever session with you. Your website is very informative and I have watched some of your videos and think you fit the bill perfectly. I would like to book a one hour session with you on your next London Tour announced on session girls.
I have a leg fetish and would love to be scissored by you and then made worship them. I like the idea of a Dominant woman controlling me. I am not sure what my pain threshold is as I have never been scissored before but would like to see how much I can handle. I used to watch glow and loved to admire the girls in there outfits. Is it possible that you can wear a leotard with tights or pantyhose?
I am available on the Thursday from 7pm onward and on the Friday between 9am – 3pm. Where will you be located and when are you available? If you have any other questions regarding me, please feel free to ask me
I look forward to hearing back from you
This email ticks all the boxes. This is because a good email, should let us know your interests, experience, where you are looking to do the session i.e city we are visiting or dungeon we are listed on. How long a session you would like to book, dates and times.
How Not to Contact a Dominatrix
BTW, these are actual emails I have received and pulled from my time waster list as example’s
“I’m oie,session in NEWYORK !Your welcome to stay, im single!What R U yrainrd in”? (I’m sorry but I have no idea what you are saying! Nothing as as off-putting as bad grammar. I also have no interest as to whether you are single, in a relationship or married.)
“May I remind you that wrestling is actually a male profession and sport since the dawn of time. In the natural scheme of things, there are roles which are specifically dedicated to men and women due to their psycho physical nature ie, natures laws.
But since women are not prepared to be co-operative and keep to their natural position in society, many problems develop further on. As you are aware that women are culture carriers and when this balance is slightly corrupted
due to the degradation of woman hood society is polluted and from this unwanted progeny is produced.
Look around and observe our current promiscuous society from which many many twisted beings come into being. Try and understand a simple truth, “we are not these bodies.” Please I beg you to be part of the solution not remain the problem
just for name, fame, adoration and money. Help us heal society.”
(If you are looking to email us, to lecture us, you are literally just wasting your own time and effort. Most dominatrix’s are pretty strong minded and independent, they will just simply laugh at this.)
Time Wasters Continued
“My life has been very stressful with having Barrett’s disease and ADHD and behavioural issues and I’m looking for a strict female disciplinarian to help me lose weight and get my life back on track, I’m also addicted to porn, please help me get my life back on track, I’ve also been feeling a lot of guilt lately please help!”
(As much as I am sorry and understand regarding you’re diseases affecting your quality of life. I am here to undertake sessions, not be a therapist.)
“Wondering if I had a lift and carry session with you if you didn’t mind wearing a leather especially a leather fringe jacket, leather fringe vest or a leather fringe biker jacket? Also if I had a lift and carry session with could you please throw me over your shoulder with my head against your back and my head and hands moving a mile a minute. I would like to look like I am drunk and you had to carry me out of a bar and toss me over your shoulder or fireman carry while wearing leather fringe.”
(WTF, this just seems like you are rambling on about your fantasies, maybe playing with your todger, stop wasting my time?)
“Can we organise a wrestling session please? I could fly to you?
Email, text or WhatsApp me?
Number is 078——–
Alan (I do not arrange sessions by the phone)
Provide your Dominatrix with the correct information
After your initial email containing, fetish interests, location, dates and time. Your next email based on the reply from your mistress should contain more detail. We need to know what your limits are, even if you are not exactly sure. For example, verbal humiliation may be something you would love to try, but small penis humiliation is going to far. You like the thought of a mild ball busting session, but certainly couldn’t stand a kick to the groin. Spanking, caning and whipping sound great, but no marks please.
On my session contact form, I ask potential clients if they have any health conditions. If for example you have diabetes or high blood or a disability, mention this to your mistress. This information is vital to ensure your safety and the success of your first session.
STEP 4: What to Expect
Several days prior to a scheduled session, I will send an email with my contact number and address for the session. I request that the client confirms that everything is okay for our planned booking. If I do not hear back to confirm, I will only assume that they are a “Time Waster”.
Some mistresses or dungeons may ask you to call them on session day to confirm. The majority of those who flake, won’t make the confirmation call or email. If you are serious, don’t skip this part.
Booking a Dominatrix Preparation
Hygiene is extremely important, you will most likely sweat during a session, especially if you are nervous. So, please wear deodorant, there is more of putting than someone turning up to session smelling of body odour. Your mistress will have gone to the effort to ensure she looks her best and wearing any requested outfits, (latex, pvc, leather). We expect good hygiene, shower, trim excessive body hair and nails, wear deodorant and minting breath is always a bonus.
PLEASE NOTE : Some mistresses will request that you give yourself an enema if requesting, anal play or strapon.
Cancellations and Blacklists
Don’t book a session unless you truly believe you will go through with it. Cancelling a booked session last minute causes great inconvenience. We understand that sometimes emergencies come up and that people can become unwell. For those traveling domme’s however, who have flight and accommodation expenses to pay for. Unexpected last minute cancellations can greatly effect profit margins. If a trip (destination) is not deemed successful due to cancellations. Then, unfortunately that particular destination may be struck off, never to return.
Some guys will be genuine and send through some sort of payment for the inconvenience caused. Please remember, many dominatrixes practice BDSM full time, this is their main source of income. Always show respect!
If for whatever reason you think you can’t make a session. Give as much notice as possible, allowing for someone else to take your place. People cancel, things happen, life goes on. We will appreciate the advance notice and that you didn’t waste our time.
If you ever try to book again there is a good chance that the mistress will except your booking. Cancel last minute or don’t turn up and your BLACKLISTED. We will also keep your email and phone number on file for future reference. Change your email and contact us again, we will know your session interests and most likely remember you being the guy who bailed. Some mistresses will go as far as to place your details on time waster lists. BTW, other mistresses check these lists periodically.
Booking a Dominatrix (Session Time)
Every Dominatrix and dungeon are different, but usually a session goes like this. We will greet you and walk you into our room or dungeon. Once you have entered, make sure to pay upfront. There are so many stories on blacklists regarding men attending sessions and then at the end, “not having their wallet” and leaving for the ATM, never to return. So, always pay up front, most mistresses will not start the session until payment has been received.
A short conversation proceeds to break the ice, confirm session requests and limits, before commencing the session. An experienced Dominatrix will know how to put you at ease. Once all the details of the session are confirmed, the session will commence.
Do not show up intoxicated or on drugs for a session, we can always tell if someone has had a drink beforehand. If you are under the influence, most girls will show you the door. If you have scheduled a heavy corporal punishment session, it is a well-known fact that some individuals take pain killers beforehand to help relieve the pain. However do not exceed the recommended amount .
Set Your Phone to Flight Mode
Keep your phone off during the session, unless you are on call or waiting for an important call. If you are, advise your dominatrix, so we know to let you take the phone call, should it ring. Phones ringing, or pinging with incoming messages during sessions are annoying, ruin the vibe and will piss off your mistress.
During the duration of your session, your mistress will monitor body language, ask questions to see how you are reacting to the fetishes requested. By reading body language we can gauge if we can push your boundaries further. Some dominatrix’s, may explain to you what they are going to do to you, step by step in a first time sessions, to put you at ease. Don’t be afraid to speak up if your not enjoying something or the pain is just to intense.
How Do You Know Your Session Is Over?
You will know when a session is over, as we will simply stop the session. Sometimes we might save a certain activity for a finale. Some men will want to masturbate at the end of their session because the session itself is a form of “sex” to them. This is at the discretion of your mistress and her HARD LIMITS.
After your session, if you enjoyed your time. Email your mistress thanking her. We will be grateful to hear your kind words and appreciations. If you particularly enjoyed your session, you can always write us a nice review.
Booking a Dominatrix – Sara Lips
If you would like to book your first session with myself, you can be confident that you are in good hands. I have travelled the world domination men, catering for many fetishes. You can read more on the professionalism of my sessions on my testimonials page. Remember to check out my latest tours to see if I am coming to a city near you. For a full list of my fetish interests, head over to my london dominatrix page.