Chemistry vs Attraction | How often do you make it past the First Date?

chemistry vs attraction

Today, we take an in depth look at the topic of Chemistry vs Attraction. It is usually presumed that both of these predeterminers, is needed to form a successful relationship. The confusion many people face, however, in trying to  understand the difference between the two, is often fascinating.

Chemistry vs Attraction

Attraction – Attraction is achieved when a woman is:

A) turned on by you at least to some degree and

B) feels somewhat safe with you.

Whether or not a women feels safe with you is based solely on your behaviour during dates or a session. It is important to remember that there is a fine line between coming across as horny vs. being sexual. Often you will see men comment on forums, about how you’re YMMV, an abbreviation for your mileage may vary. Meaning, what a session girl allows in a session is usually dependant on she feels on the day during your encounter. Attraction can play a part in this.

Women generally do understand how men can become extremely horny, as they possess higher sex drives. Beware however; as they will not be extremely supportive of this and always opt for the more sexual guys. This is because being horny is threatening and a turn-off. Being sexual is attractive and safe.

Whether or not she feels attracted to you, will depend on how well you rank against that number based on your appearance and behaviour she has set in her head.

Attraction isn’t very complicated. If she likes you and feels at least somewhat safe, you’re in.


Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry … this sounds pretties much the same as attraction, however it is a whole different ball game! Chemistry is actually quite complicated and delicate. Remember this is why many men fail to make it past the first date!

Attraction, which we have already discussed, is the combination of being turned on and feeling safe.

Chemistry however is the combination of attraction and compliance to a predetermined checklist.

Attraction is an important key component of chemistry. After all, the lady in question does have to be attracted to you. However, once she’s attracted to you, she will need another layer of complexity. This specifically applies to older women as opposed to younger women, who you will find do not care just so much.

Chemistry is a checklist of qualities, the lady in question has preselected for her ideal boyfriend or husband.

So, how do I make chemistry? You don’t have to actually say something to violate a chemistry-seeker’s checklist. It’s very easy to destroy chemistry non verbally. Maybe you have a habit of breathing heavy, or making an annoying noise whilst chewing your food. Maybe the way you dress isn’t what she would visualize her ideal future boyfriend/husband wearing. So even if you carefully control everything you say during a first date, you can easily violate a woman’s checklist and make chemistry impossible.

Why did she not text back?

If you have ever been on a first date and text a women, who did not responded. If her girlfriend asked her about the date, she probably would have said something like this, “He is a nice guy but there just “wasn’t any chemistry.”

It’s not that she wasn’t attracted to you. She was! Unfortunately, you just simply violated a few items on her list, eliminating the feminine concept of “chemistry.”

The lesson to be learnt is therefore, not to get too hung up on chemistry!

Make it past the First Date!

Attraction is directly within your control. You have vast control over your physical appearance, your fashion, and how you behave on a first or second date. Of course you can’t have sex with any woman you want. However, by controlling these three variables, you can create attraction with a much higher percentage of women you meet

Chemistry, however, isn’t really within your realm of control. Since attraction is 50% of chemistry, you can improve your odds of chemistry a little by ensuring attraction more often. The problem is created because you don’t know the exact checklist of that woman sitting next to you at the bar or across from you on a first date.

The only way to ensure you create chemistry with a new woman is to extract a copy of her checklist from her brain, memorize it, and then make sure you do not say or do anything that violates anything her list.

I hope you enjoyed, if you enjoy my blog posts please feel free to subscribe to my blog and leave any comments you think are worth sharing.

9 replies
    • sara
      sara says:

      I’m sure your not that bad mark :-p There is plenty of ways to put your foot on the scene these days ! I hope you are enjoying your travels across the world. Jealous here in rainy Ireland.

      S x

      • Mark
        Mark says:

        Enjoying them very much, thanks. Nice and warm and sunny (when it’s not obscured by the smog!!). Anytime you want to join me, you’re more than welcome ?.

  1. John
    John says:

    Interesting blog. Clever thoughts on a never ending topic. But if I may add: Almost 90 procent of all dates are taking place round a restaurant table. Nothing wrong with that, but it is quite a stereotype and controlled setting. Much better to do something else (take a walk in the park, bicycle ride, a gym workout, whatever) where it is easier to “reveal” more of the real personality of your date when they are more “off guard”. You write very good. Keep up the good work.

    • Sara
      Sara says:

      Hi John,

      Thank You very much for your kind comments, you are indeed correct that the setting of a restaurant does not necessarily make good practice for dating. More natural everyday activities are a better alternative as this gives us a better chance to perceive someone for who they are through body language and actions etc. The whole seeing someone once a week when dating, also does not give us an insight as to what someone is truly like, and only when you live with them will you get your eyes opened up!lol

      Thank you for the comment and I hope you keep enjoying reading

      S x

  2. Lion
    Lion says:

    At least in US, the only way it ever worked was social status. The higher the better for the man, even though most of them fake it & get divorced later. Being a fireman pretty much guarantees marriage. Professional blog commenters all become confirmed bachelors. Europe seems more based on “chemistry”. US is extremely conservative, socially.

    • Sara
      Sara says:

      Hi lion,

      Many thanks for your kind comment. Social status still do exist today in regards to marriage in Europe also, as I have seen this myself first hand however I do think things are moving forward. For instance the case of mixed marriages in my own home country of Northern Ireland between Catholics to Protestants, something that was unheard of 20-30 years ago. I believe Demonstrates how people are perhaps listening more so to chemistry and connection and going against the grain. In saying that however there is still is a lot of economical marriages of convenience, such as a women who marries a doctor because she wants 2.4 children and a detached house in a nice area. The question is though, are these people really happen with the material things they have in life?

      Sara x


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