Foot worship Session | The Love of Feet Explained

Today, I give an insight to the foot worship session. Fondling feet is certainly not something everybody enjoys. In fact some people are completely repulsed by feet. So, if a guy were to admit he enjoyed toe sucking, in front of a group of friends, he would most likely raise an eyebrow or two. This is because foot fetishes are rarely understood. Despite being one of the better-known and accepted fetishes.

I must admit, that I myself found it hard to get my head around how guys could become aroused by feet, when I first entered the foot fetish scene. Especially as I think my feet look horrible! That being said, I don’t think there is anything wrong about being attracted to feet. Often guys are asked if they are a boob or a bum man? Well some guys are just simply feet guys.

What is a foot worship session?

A foot worship session is a private real time session. Where the foot lover in question will have arranged with a foot model, mistress or perhaps even there other half, time to adorn and worship their feet. Sessions can involve a range of foot worship fun. Including tickling, nylon worship, massaging, kissing, sucking, rubbing, smelling or even foot domination.

Who books foot worship sessions?

Many names have been applied to men’s sexual love of feet. Wikipedia defines “foot fetishism, foot worship or podophillia as a pronounced sexual interest in feet.” Foot fetishism is also the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non- sexual objects or body parts and is more prevalent in men than women. It is believed that Elvis Presley, pop artist Andy Warhol and adventurer Casanova had foot fetishes.

Booking a foot worship session

When booking or organizing a foot worship session. Most clients will want to discuss beforehand the visual and sensory element to their foot worship session. You can book a foot worship session with myself by using my contact form, please fill out as much information as you can in relation to how you envisage your session.

The Visual

Without fail. Every guy who books a foot worship session, will ask me what size my feet are, unless they have already seen my foot size elsewhere. It appears that the individual dimensions and features of the foot appear to be critical to the podophile.

I have had guys tell me they like small feet, large feet, medium-sized feet. Thin, wide, smooth, wrinkly and even veiny feet! Small toes, long toes, thin toes, wide toes. Even the size of the second toe relative to the big toe can be important to some.

foot worship session

Sara’s feet

The shape of the foot also appears to be very important. As, some guys prefer girls with high arches opposed to those who are more flat footed.

In relation to the visual, there can also be sub-dimensions to the foot fetish. This includes those who are really into footwear rather than the feet itself or those that like naked feet as apposed to footwear adornments. Clients will often request items to be worn during a foot worship session. Such as shoes, boots, socks (clean or dirty) and nylons. Many just prefer bare feet, however with bare feet, often guys will have a preference for or against certain nail polish colors, with those even preferring a natural nail.

The sensory

Discussing the sensory is also as important as the visual. Sensory elements can be anything from the smell to the touch of the foot.

Some guys like clean feet. While others prefer the feet to be smelly, perhaps even wearing old socks covered in dirt. If you prefer smelly feet it is maybe not the best idea to book your session first thing in the morning, but perhaps later in the day.

Preferences regarding the touch of the foot can also differ from client to client. Some like it rough while other like it soft and sensual. Those who like it rough will often ask for foot domination, incorporating elements of foot gagging, choking, smothering or trampling.

They often like the idea of you luring them in with your feet and then using them as killing implements on them. Those who prefer a softer foot worship session will often like more intimate interaction. This can involve massaging, touching, kissing, licking and sucking the feet and toes.

Why do I have a foot worship fetish?

Most psychological theorizing concerning both fetishes in general and foot fetishes, concern early childhood imprinting and conditioning experiences.

In her sexual encyclopaedia, Dr. Brenda Love states that in relation more specifically to foot fetishism that:

“There are many reasons feet are said to be arousing. Feet are often the first part of a mother or father, which a toddler touches. Likewise, parents often play with toddlers’ by pushing them with their feet or letting them ride one of their feet”.

I do not, however, believe this to be the case with foot fetishes. Often, I have heard stories from clients connecting their childhood experiences to their wrestling and lift carry fetish development. I have never however heard anyone connect there childhood to their foot fetish.

Below are theories that I feel best reflect those who have enjoyed a foot worship session with me.

The brain-overlap theory

Scientist, Vilayanur Ramachandran, conducted an intensive study into phantom limb syndrome. While doing so it lead to some surprising discoveries concerning foot fetishism.

He worked with amputees who reported feeling the sensations of having a foot, even pleasure and arousal, despite the amputation.

The sections of the brain, which are associated with feet, are positioned next to the sections in the brain associated with genitalia. Ramachandran’s studies concluded that those who are turned on by feet may be experiencing sexual stimulation, because the wires in their brain linked to the feet and the genitals have become mixed up.

Ramachandran, however, could not confirm that ‘crossed wires’ are responsible for the fetish in ALL foot lovers and his study does not explain why far more men than women appear develop a foot fetish.

I found this theory very interesting and think this could be why some guys who simply have no idea why they like feet, just do.

Vilanayar Ramachandran Phantom Limb – Skip to 14:06

The Pavlovian theory

In the 1960s researchers showed a group of men images of naked women alongside images of boots. Eventually, the men became aroused by the images of boots all by themselves. This experiment therefore suggested that our brains are capable of forming sexual associations around random objects even if no arousal impulse was there to begin with. It is therefore believed that if you are exposed to something repeatedly during times when you are sexually aroused, your brain might come to link that object with your sexual desire.

There is also some research showing people with higher sex drives are more likely to have uncommon sex interests. Dr Lehmiller believes this is because those with a super-charged sex drive will have found themselves in a state of arousal when sex with a partner isn’t possible. This means that because there is no one around to get busy with, super randy people may unwittingly redirect their sexual energy towards whatever is in the immediate vicinity.

The gross-out theory

Interestingly, another theory suggested that foot fetishes might have more to do with disgust. This is because when you are in a high state of sexual arousal, it is thought that your disgust impulse weakens. Meaning the things you would normally find repulsive e.g. feet, spit, faeces may not seem so gross anymore. It’s almost as if a heightened state of arousal changes your perception of them, making you engage sexually with objects that you might normally find off-putting.

Personally, I can see the relevance to this theory, as often men who have foot fetishes like the natural scent of feet. Many people in sessions will also often ask me to wear the oldest or sweatiest pair of gym shoes or socks I have. It is not uncommon to see mistress’s sell their old shoes online for a fee.

The Desire To Be Submissive

Washing, rubbing, and worshiping another person’s feet are a way of expressing your submission to someone and their dominance. It is as if they are above you, even their feet are better than you. During foot worship sessions, men will, through their own choice often want to be submissive to a woman’s feet, rub, touch, smell and lick her feet and toes. Foot worship is often used in BDSM as mistresses will often make their slaves lick and clean their boots.

foot worship session

Foot worship domination

Not all men who have foot fetishes however are submissive. There are dominants that have a foot fetish and there are many who have a foot fetish without having any interest in BDSM, so there are some flaws in this theory.

Summary

Many men, who have experienced a foot worship session with me, have expressed initial shame in their lives about having a foot fetish. Unfortunately this is common amongst those who share or practice any “non-standard” sex preferences such as a fetish or BDSM.

For many whom have foot fetishes, often they will wish they were “normal” and some may even try to deny it within themselves. Many guys do not tell their partner about their foot fetish, due in part to shame and/or to not wanting to risk alienating their partner.

Everybody has a fetish though, no matter how big or small it may be. If your fetish is not harmful to any other person, I see no reason as to why we should not try to embrace them.

I hope the above article on feet fetishes has shed some light as to why you may have a foot fetish, and if you have any personal thoughts you wish to share, I would encourage you to leave a comment below.

You might also be interested in some of my foot fetish videos available on Reality Girls and Feet Fighters. Titles : Muscle Girls Foot Mauling , Sara Lips Debuts.

 

Women Dominate Men, Femdome The New Age Movement

Welcome to the new age, an age where women dominate men. The days of the down trodden weaker sex are a thing of the past. Over the last half century their has been a shift in the sexes. Women are taking a stand, realising their full potential, the scales have tipped, no longer favouring the male sex.

Through the innocent eyes of a child, mother is God!

Men had the advantage, because of their size and strength, but not anymore, more women are hitting the gym, lifting iron. Women are becoming stronger, maybe as the generations pass, women will become equally as strong as their counterparts. Men are naturally stronger due to their genetic make up, but some women who lift are incredibly strong.

An example of female strength from the European Powerlifting Federation, Cook Jodie 52kg from Great Britain lifted 130kg Squat, 70 kg Bench Press, 152.5kg Deadlift, equipment free and drug free.

I read a recent comment on social media where a female stated that she was afraid of becoming stronger than her boyfriend. Not only are women becoming stronger, but also more dominant in their relationships and in the bedroom. Women dominate men, making the man serve and obey them.

Love strong dominant women

Many men love to feel the power of these dominant alpha females, so much so, that they become icons, role models, amazonian goddesses. In the domination world, the term mistresses is commonly used to describe these women.

women dominate men

Sara dominates Jay

Dominatrix is the feminine form of the Latin dominator, a ruler or lord, used in a non-sexual sense. Its earliest recorded use in the modern sense, as a female dominant dates to 1967. It was initially coined to describe a woman who provides punishment for payment.

Are you a Dom, Sub or Switch

You might already know the answer to the question, but if you are unsure, ask yourself this. How do you portray yourself in life, relationships and of course the bedroom. Now take a look at the definitions below.

  • Dominant : having power and influence over others
  • Submissive : ready to conform to the authority or will of others
  • Switch : Plays the role of both the submissive and dom

Sometimes its not as simple as choosing one preference. You might be dominant in your job, but submissive in the bedroom or vice versa. So it not always to say that the your choice of preference is the way that you can act in life. For many the presence of an alter ego, a person that people create within themselves to cope with the world that surrounds them. In reality there may only be fleeting moments when a person can truly be themselves.

Women dominate men

As I mentioned earlier, men love strong dominant women, so it stands to reason that this passion for alpha females would turn sexual. Femdome the term used where the women dominates sexual interaction with her mate. This includes, but not restricted to,

  • Humiliation of the sub
  • Penetration of the sub
  • Bondage of the sub

Below are some of the services offered by a dominatrix

  • Body Worship
  • Foot Worship
  • Chasity Control
  • Strapon Play
  • Bondage
  • Breath Play
  • Cock and Ball Torture
  • Humiliation
  • Sissy Training
  • Hard Sports
  • Roleplay
  • Water Sports
  • Wax Play
  • Wrestling
  • Humiliation
  • Interrogations
  • Medical Play
  • Face Sitting
  • Trampling
  • Feminisation
  • Corporal Punishment

Why do men visit a dominatrix?

There are varied reasons, some men stated that for them it started from an early age, self harm, sexual abuse or corporal punishment from a parent or relative. Others have simply wanted to experience news heights sexually.

Quote, my first experience with a dominatrix, (Mark A)

“My first marriage was completely vanilla. When we separated I finally went to see a Dominatrix that I found online. She tied me to a chair and beat me so hard the bruises lasted a fortnight. At first I was too shocked and horrified to enjoy it, but by the end I was surfing a huge wave of pain and endorphins and I floated out of her apartment”.

The alpha female

  • She is pro – women
  • Cultivates a life she enjoys
  • She makes her move
  • Never puts herself down
  • Desires a partner not a boyfriend
  • Calls people out when they have done wrong
  • Knows when to walk away
  • Doesn’t compete for attention
  • Invests in herself and her future
  • May be intimidating to others, but lives her life regardless

Do you fantasies about spending time with a dominatrix. Do your research, once you have plucked the courage to email, be polite and detailed, mention dates, times and of course paying a deposit to show that you are genuine will help to confirm you are not a time waster.

Every dominatrix will have her limitations on what she offers, do not try to push the boundaries, remember you will be at their mercy during the session, be respectful.

Do I offer Domination sessions?

Yes, please see my profile, London dominatrix. I am also featured on professional mistresses where you can see a full list of services I offer. When inquiring for a session, please give much information as possible. Contact Mistress Sara

Women Scissoring Men | Amazonian Strikes Again, Man Crushed To Death

Women scissoring men, I like to compare to the act of an Anaconda slowing attacking it’s pray. Slowly enticing her victim’s body in deep between her thighs. Soon she will begin to trap her victim’s body between them, by tightening her clenched adductor muscles.

It will only then be a matter of time before, her pray will realize there is no room for escape! Only a slow malicious act will follow. As, she slowly begins to apply pressure, squeezing the victim’s body in question as if she is trying to strangle him, making it hard for him to breathe and further escape.

Mixed wrestling scissoring variations

Some of the most popular types of scissoring practiced are front head scissors, body scissors, reverse head scissors, and variations of the figure four position.

Often the first time many men have witnessed scissoring has been in the infamous Xenia Onatopp scene, in the James Bond movie Golden Eye. I have lost count of the amount of men, who would like to reenact this famous scene from the movies!

In the James bond movies, strong dominant but feminine females may I add, play a key role in the blockbusters and certainly do not shy away from the action either. Other confrontational scenes include the gypsy catfight in From Russia with Love and another scissor scene this time from Bambi and Thumper in Diamonds are Forever.

women scissoring men

Girl head scissors

Women scissoring men and wrestling in the movies, has therefore been mainstream for a while. However maybe not have received the recognition it should have until now.

The sexual fetish scissoring

Mixed wrestling scissors make up a large category of pins in wrestling that are typically unused but popular among those that enjoy the sexually submissive element of grappling.

Why do men become aroused at the thought of being scissored between a women’s thighs? Well, it is thought that the act of squeezing itself can produce a sexual response on behalf of the receiver through feeling of helplessness, admiration or strength and complete submission toward the women scissoring them.

While it is possible for both men and women to enjoy scissor holds, it is typically the case that men are more on the receiving end than women. Perhaps, due to the higher percentage of submissive men thought to be within the BDSM scene. There is no reason however, that the scissor submission can’t be administered by a male to a female.

Revere head scissor

The position of the scissoring holds can vary depending on the desire of the person receiving them. While the scissor is typically practiced around the neck region, holds around the entire body of the submissive individual are not uncommon. Another very common scissor position is the reverse head scissor.

women scissoring men

Reverse head scissors

All holds are usually administered with the receiver on their back and the giver on top of them.

In sessions, I have even had smaller guys ask me to scissor there body, to include their arms trapped by their side. This completely paralyzes the receiver, forever trapped within my body scissor hold.

Some receivers do seem to like to struggle while they are being held to help amplify their feeling of helplessness. It is funny to watch how hard it is for a guy to escape, from between my thighs during sessions. In fact, after putting all one’s strength into attempting to escape, a recurring pattern of one becoming extremely still seems to appear. The feeling of dismay as one gives up, letting me demonstrate how easy it is for me to keep them under my control.

I just love big muscular thighs

Muscle worship is also a common fetish associated with women scissoring men. Those who enjoy being at the receiving end of submission may find a lot of sexual pleasure through the admiration of strong dominant individuals. Due to the size and nature of the leg muscles, scissor holds can be incredibly difficult for individuals to break out of and the ultimate way to experience a leg fetish if you may have one!

Two types of Guy who adore scissoring sessions:

  • The Pain Junkie
  • Trapped Tony

The first guy is the kind of session guy, who will drain every last bit of energy out of you! Sessioning with Pain Junkies certainly makes for a good leg workout, as you will often find the harder you squeeze they will want MORE. It can be particularly frustrating if the guy doesn’t tap, obviously because he likes pain. However, what does this mean? Session girls will only crank it up until he does! Everybody must leave having tapped (evil grins).

Trapped Tony, is a completely different kind of session guy, he rather prefers a softer scissor session. He is a not a pain junkie and certainly does not like sharp snap scissoring. But instead, prefers if you keep him hanging around. I believe the reason these guys like a softer session is because they prefer the feeling of being trapped and a sheer loss of control, where the women can demonstrate who has the upper hand, but does not necessarily have to use her full power to do so.

It is usually also a more playful kind of style. Either that or these guys just simply want to keep their heads and ribs alive and functioning between my lethal thighs.

Why do men love scissoring?

A while ago, I did a poll on “why men love the feeling of women scissoring men?” The results where pretty close with 45% of guys saying they liked the power/strength aspect best. 38% liking the loss of control and lastly 17% having a leg fetish. Of course some guys said they liked all three. Greedy!
Here is what some guys had to say in response to my women scissoring men poll on twitter.

Manolo Enrique : Love being scissored…incredible how powerful these ladies are, especially when your trapped between their thighs.

Ben Moore : Being Absolutely dominated by someone very feminine. Definitely all three for me as its hard to separate.

Wrestler Dave : No longer being in control and being at a women’s mercy.

Eric Grappler : I love how a woman’s thighs feel on the sides of my neck, not a painful triangle choke, more of a playful trap and squeeze.

Mikey Wrestler : The feeling of slowly being squeezed into unconsciousness by a strong woman.

John Sloss : The thought of someone sexy and powerful like you in control with your beautiful legs and toned muscular body.

Thank you guys for reading this post, I hope you liked being able to get an insight as to why other guys love scissoring. If you would like to experience a private scissor session with me, please check out my tour page to see if I am coming to a city near you.

Face Sitting Fetish | Let Me Sit on Your Face

There are many forms of fetishes, some more extreme than others. One things for sure everyone has a fetish of some sort, even if you are unaware of it. In 2016, the U.K. passed a law restricting a number of pornography fetish categories,  face sitting being one!

Face sitting is a kink that’s not nearly as well known as it should be. For instance as this news escalated, it become clear that many people were confused as to what, exactly, face-sitting is. Despite its straight forward name!

I found the video above Sit on My face by Monty Phython on YouTube, and thought it was very appropriate.

What is a fetish?

The plural noun of fetish represents a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body. A sexual fixation, obsession or compulsion.

Popular fetishes

Include fantasy wrestling, competitive wrestling, beat downs, lift carry, scissoring, female domination, muscle worship, foot fetish and face sitting within the session wrestling scene. Although the fetishes mentioned above can be generally deemed of a non sexual nature, a fetish is deemed sexual because it is generally thought the activity in question will arouse a man or women. This is why many fetish based sites are classed as adult. This doesn’t mean that every individual who fantasizes about fetishes e.g wrestling is aroused at the thought of it. Everyone is different!

Some fetishes, can therefore fall into the realm of both worlds, sexual and non sexual. Face sitting is one such example, in the wrestling circuit, face sitting is usually used to represent female superiority / domination / a top dog position. A client once told me, it is the most humiliating, belittling and dominating position a women can put a man in…

Face sitting or Face smother

Facesitting, is often also known as queening or kinging. Jay Wiseman’s “Erotic Bondage Handbook,” defines it as “sitting or squatting over the bottom face so that the top’s anal or genital area is pressed against the bottom’s face.” She says “It has the implication of forced oral and can incorporate breath control and smothering, and the fun can be heightened by the dominant talking to the submissive in role.”

There is nothing as hot as this thoroughly dominating and demeaning method. And despite the simple-sounding term, there are actually a number of methods in which face sitting can be implemented, making face sitting a versatile and fun way of breaking a male. For instance, different clothing options e.g denim, leather, panty hose.

I have had guys ask me to wear leather in sessions, as it makes it harder for them to breath. Others prefer the feel of denim jeans in face-sitting sessions! Positioning is another important factor e.g forward vs reverse face sitting and if you like to lock their arms with your feet. Last but not least, the hoover position vs full body weight.

As you can see, there is a lot of factors to getting the perfect face sitting session, so be specific when inquiring guys and tell us what exactly it is that you like. For many it is even the element of trash talking while Queen Bee sits up high above.

face sitting

figure 4 face sit

The Face Smother

Full pressure face sitting can also be referred to as face smother, the two are very similar in nature, however with a face smother the individual is deprived of oxygen. Such an effect can induce a semi-hallucinogenic state. Combine this with an orgasm is said to be the equivalent to cocaine.

A 2005 book chapter by Dr Brenda Love (in Russ Kick’s Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong) examined some of the strangest sexual behaviours from around the world and included a short section on queening.

She wrote:

“The term queening refers to the European practice of a dominant female using a man’s head as her throne. The woman sits in one of several positions, either on the side of the man’s head or so that his nose is near her anus with his eyes covered by her genitals. The object of queening is bondage or breath control, not cunnilingus.

The man may wear supplemental restraints on the wrists and ankles. A slightly comparable American sex scene is where a stripper completely disrobes and stands over a sitting male with his head titled back so that her genitals are only a couple of inches above his face. She stays in this position, moving her pelvis to the music for about five minutes. The male is not permitted to touch her in any manner during this exhibition”.

The article differentiated face sitting from ‘smothering’ (i.e., the complete obstruction of the airways for sexual purposes) because the person being sat on is not totally deprived of oxygen.

Why Men Love Face sitting?

The article also claims:

“The full-weight body-pressure, moisture, sex odors and darkness can be perceived as powerful sexual attractions or compulsions. The person sat upon may be in bondage, sexually submissive, or simply held down by the body-weight of the other person”

I am no expert by any means, however relating to my own own personal experiences, and having spoken with guys who have the fetish. I believe for many it is the aspect of control many men like about face sitting. It is also important too that the girl in question enjoys face sitting. The feeling of humiliation also seems to be a popular element of this fetish, not for all, however many do ask for a verbal element. Face sitting encompasses so much from body worship to intimacy, the inability to control your breathing and of course being pushed to the edge!

“It encompasses so much…from total control to total intimacy”

During face smothering, strangely what happens is a sense of calm, no noise, not even a stir, just me sitting on their face. One hundred and fifty six pounds performing a face smother, making it increasingly difficult for them to move. Sometimes I do think to myself, are are they okay, if I have been sitting on them for a long time and still not a pep.

Please Help

What follows after the calm however is a sheer sense of panic! Their body thrashes uncontrollably as they try to shift my weight from their face. Feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, arousal and thoughts of death perhaps maybe rush through there head. Please, I don’t want to die, I want to live.

Sometimes I ask myself, how can being this close to death bring about such feelings of euphoria and sexual arousal. Is it this fleeting glimpse at death that makes us appreciate life or is it the heightened sense of arousal?

The official term for this type of fetish is Autassassinophilia

Autassassinophilia is a paraphilia in which a person is sexually aroused by the risk of being killed. The fetish may overlap with some other fetishes that risk one’s life, such as those involving drowning or choking. This does not necessarily mean the person must actually be in a life-threatening situation, for many are aroused from dreams and fantasies of such.

face sitting

hottest face sitting

Early development has had its impact

It is strange how life events that happen in our early childhood, seem to have had a life changing impact on the rest of our lives. I have asked many questions to my clients, trying to understand how their fetish came to light. Some have reminisced of a childhood experience with a female cousin, sister’s friend or girl in the playground. A memorable time of wrestling together, suddenly she sits on his face pinning him down, refusing to move, laughing as she over powers and dominates him. The guy is amazed he can’t move and a weird feeling stirs inside him, he likes it. This is is the first time he has experienced loss of control, embarrassment, humiliation, helplessness.

Others have fascinated about it after watching face sitting during pro wrestling on TV and wandered what it felt like to experience it.

Many clients have attributed that early experiences in life have been the major influence on the development of their fetishes. This however is not always the case, as some fetishes develop entirely on there own with no external influences.

What can we take out of this, remember pornography was not readily available on the internet and certainly not to a ten year old in the 70’s , 80’s. What was the influencing factor then? Where did these feeling resonate from or are they buried deep inside our self consciousness? Interestingly my younger clients have developed their fetishes due to the internet compared to more middle aged clients.

Regardless of how these fetishes develop, the feelings remain strong and the longing to replicate that moment.

Face sitting, similarity’s in fetishes

It could be suggested that face sitting may overlap with other sexual paraphilias and fetishes such as squashing fetishes. Amaurophilia (where individuals derive sexual pleasure and arousal by a partner who is blind or unable to see due to artificial means such as being blindfolded or having sex in total darkness). Osmophilia (where individuals derive sexual pleasure and arousal caused by bodily odours such as sweat and urine).

While I explained earlier that some fetishes have a similarity. Face sitting for most is seen as sexual, generally associated with gratification. Face sitting in the wrestling world however is usually seen more in the context of domination, female superiority, breathe play etc. It would be fair to say that face smother, while still implying face sitting, would be the correct term used for Autassassinophilia.

Their are many other fetishes that are applicable to the term Autassassinophilia. Choking, scissoring and HOM can all be associated with oxygen deprivation. This is not to say that everyone who books a scissoring session wants to come close to death. Far from it and incorrect, as many guys just love the feeling of being trapped between a strong pair of thighs.

If your interested in booking a face sitting / face smother session, please fill the contact form with as much detail as possible.

How To Be Healthy Selfish | Your Key to Happiness Today

Being healthy selfish is a very important topic for all you naturally submissive/givers of the world. The word selfish is often associated with being self-centered, out for yourself, arrogant etc. Healthy selfish however, is more about setting boundaries with yourself and others, so don’t worry you will still be a nice person!

It is about making sure that your “cup” is being filled, and when it starts to run low, you have the ability to recognize it and refill it up.

Making time for yourself

I always pride myself in responding to any emails received as fast as I can, with a personal touch and keen interest. This winter however, I have been touring more than usual, meaning more emails and room for potential time wasters… As a result of a busier schedule, I have had less time for myself, training and inevitably have become run down & unwell with the cold. (Boohoo!)

This has caused me to reassess things. Tours will be planned in advance, with sufficient recovery breaks in between and not be so harsh on myself with correspondence. My aim will be to reply to all emails within 24hours, or by the end of the following day. Rather than replying at various points throughout the day.

I also have to make a “no favors” rule for anyone, as I have learnt, it seems, the more you give the more you get let down and it is only fair everyone is treated equally, right?

If you are the type of person that can easily say “no” to others with a healthy motivation behind it, congrats! However you’re thinking if only it was that easy and often find yourself more often than not wanting to make others happy and as a result feel emotionally overwhelmed and/or drained, you might just need a quick lesson in healthy selfish.

As I mentioned earlier we often hear the word “selfish” and automatically equate it with unpleasant behavior. The word itself has a per-existing negative connotation because the definition of selfish is as follows: chiefly concerned with one’s own interest.

You may be asking, why am I promoting this displeasing behavior?

How to be Healthy Selfish

There are some distinguishing qualities that separate someone from being “selfish” vs “healthy selfish”

– Motivation
– Confidence
– Consequences.

Let’s revisit the cup analogy. Imagine a nice full cup, I personally like to imagine that mine is full of a warm cup of breakfast tea, but pick whatever fluid best fits you.

selfishNow because you’re such a kind soul, you enjoy sharing your tea…or what have you. You offer it up to your friends when they need comforting, your lover when they have needs, your children because someone has to take care of them, your boss when they don’t want to do their own job. Basically everyone is taking turns sipping at your cup, and when you have all of that to give, it’s super!!

Sometimes you have to say, enough is enough!

Now let’s say your significant other, boss or friends aren’t sipping from the cup, but rather taking shots from it as if they are on a bender at a nightclub. You find yourself in an uncomfortable position. Not wanting to rock the boat, or hurt anyone’s feelings so you allow them to keep taking. You find your cup is now very low. You’re exhausted, maybe you feel like a failure, maybe your angry and slightly resentful.

Don’t these people realize you are doing everything you can to quench their never-ending thirst?! No, not necessarily and sadly most people don’t realize this. Some people just downright don’t give a shit and will happily take advantage of your cup, and they’ll blame you when it’s empty. They are, dare we say *gasp* selfish?! Some of them, yes, but the worst reality is that they are right.

Why? Because, it’s your responsibility to tell people when you’re running low and don’t have much to give.

Time to be my kind of Selfish

The exciting part is you don’t have to be an asshole about it. You can simply say “no,” “not right now,” “unfortunately I can’t,” “I need some time for myself,” as well as a long list of other options. I was and still have the tendency to be a people pleaser, but I found the more people took, the less happy I was.
It is vital to be aware of the toxic people in your life. I’m not saying everyone is bad. Some are unaware, some have no idea that they are taking. People unfortunately, will prey on your kindness, like it’s a sport. This is a very disheartening experience.

Many clients who meet me as submissive and it often makes me wander if they find themselves hurt because they expect others to be nice, a little appreciative… etc. Having the expectation that someone will be nice to you in return, or be there for you is a set up. Not only to them, but also to yourself.

What I give, I expect to receive

I’m not saying don’t expect anything from anyone, but understand that kindness is a good deed, but reciprocation of a good deed makes it a job. Expect nothing from anyone. For when you receive something in return you will then be pleasantly surprised.

So what can we take away from healthy selfish?! It’s OK to say NO. The more you take time to fill up your own cup the more time you can give to others. When that cup is low, the quality of what you have to give will not be at it’s finest or coming from the best place. Don’t give all of yourself and then become disappointed or upset when it’s not returned. Learn how to set boundaries with people, and avoid being a doormat.

It’s incredibly empowering and this awareness and ability can change your relationships. Good and bad, will also make you feel more confident and help bring more positive people into your life.

What Makes a Strong Woman Intimidating to a Man?

A strong woman can often come off as intimidating. She knows what she wants in life and is on a mission to get it. Most likely she works hard, is independent, and doesn’t need a relationship to define her! While she might not need a relationship to make her happy, you should not confuse this with her not wanting one and this is where my cue comes in to help you guys understand what makes a strong women intimidating to man.

Recently I had a guy contact me asking advice regarding a girl he is really interested, he is very shy, felt that he is slightly out of his depth and did not know how to approach her about a date. Even worse he is a fan of lift and carry, something which we all know as a rule of thumb is generally a DEFINITE secret in the early days of dating unless the lady in question is pretty open minded to new things.

Strong woman still crave connection and wants someone to love and spend time with. Remember this, so if you are on the prowl for strong women, in the early days of dating or perhaps married to one, here are a few pointers I thought might be useful to remember:

Strong Woman are…

Distant at First

A strong woman may have walls built up that take time to break down. She knows how to protect herself, so know that trust might be a longer process than you’d like. A strong woman can also be afraid of being hurt. If she’s keeping you at a distance, that’s why. Once she feels that she can fully trust you, you might see a whole other, softer side to her. A strong woman may also feel conflicted about wanting to need you at first. Give her time to work through it. It might not be that she isn’t interested after all!

Independent

A strong woman is usually self-sufficient. Expect her to want to take control every once in a while and handle situations on her own. We know how to take care of ourselves. She will love having you around, but don’t get offended if she doesn’t need or want your help. We can be stubborn, remember this!

Open Minded

A strong woman is often creative and can have an open mind to new ideas or conversations. It is important to therefore mix things up a bit as dinner at the same restaurant every weekend probably won’t interest her for long. Try to be creative with your ideas for things to do.

Responsible

Strong woman accept responsibility, and will expect you to do the same. FACT. Excuses aren’t an option. We are usually also very comfortable in asking for what we want, so expect an open and often direct line of communication, with a little sugar-coating thrown in every once in a while when needed. Its not attitude, it’s just called a no bull shit approach to life…

Focused

Strong woman know what they want, and is most likely on a mission to get it. Goals are important to them. Strong women will therefore most likely expect you to have them also. They’ll want to know what your ambitions are, and how you’re going to work to achieve them.

Loners

We love being with you, but we also need time alone time! This is to relax and recharge, so try to understand when we want a night alone. This is the one you guys usually can’t get their head around, especially if in the early days of dating.

Fighters

Yes we have some fight in us! So, when the going gets tough, don’t expect us to throw the towel in straight away. Not being afraid of conflict, this also means we will not always be willing to agree with things you say even if it is over something stupid! This creates passion between people, however as if we all agreed on everything ALL of the time, even simple things such as what to watch on TV or where to go for coffee life would be pretty boring!

Real

A strong woman might come off as intimidating at first, but just like everyone else, she has insecurities and vulnerabilities. Don’t think that her strength means that she doesn’t have feelings too.

Male Heart Uncovered

The heart is a muscle that pumps life-giving blood throughout our bodies. Today, I ask what it takes to satisfy the male heart. A touchy subject at times, but the heart has been used for thousands of years to describe the core of who we are, what we feel and the real us! Due to this predetermination, we often hear many question if some human beings even bear a heart. We have all have heard of the term heartless.

Lately I have been thinking about writing on the male heart, however how to approach it I was not sure. I had a brain wave today though and am feeling in the mood to write as I sit on my flight to Cork, to commence my Ireland tour.

male heartThe male heart is the central command for all thoughts, beliefs, desires, affections, conscience, convictions, emotions and motives. And, just like our physical heart, which has four chambers it needs to be consistently filled with life-giving blood and also has four emotional chambers that need to be filled.

These are validation, respect, loyalty, and trust. And I believe it could be argued that the attraction of submissive to dominate women is because there lives may at times lack this; and it is a way to act out these validations in real life! Whether this be to their mistress, lover, pro dome etc.

Satisfying the male heart REVEALED

Validate reflects value, worthiness and manliness.

Men want to be validated by their father. They often want their dad to bless them, approve them and value them for who they are. And not for what they do or don’t do… Personality over performance is vital in validation.

Men also want validation from their wives/ partners for when they use or shine their talents to be taken notice of. If only women breathed life into the man in their life by saying things like, “You did a great job” or “I was so impressed by x,y,z…” But as you know, us females can be hard to please! This is why I believe sometimes guys love to be submissive. As by being submissive, they get to selflessly seek out validation through acts to their desired dom.

Closely linked is also the feeling of being wanted. Yes, men naturally like sex, they are hunter gathers after all…but men also want to be wanted. Sex with an emotionally uninvolved or reluctant wife, who only accommodates her husband to keep him “satisfied,” will never be enough. A man needs to know that his wife wants and desires him. This again can be argued as a reason, as to why men LOVE domination. There is no better way of feeling wanted! The connection is real and like having someone say to you “you are the best ever” or giving you a high five! Fem- Dom role-plays can therefore create confidence building and spill over to a confident man in other areas of his life. A WIN-WIN for femdom role-play scenarios then J

Respect to judgments, decisions, and abilities.

Men need women to value and trust their opinions and decisions, even if they do prove to be wrong at times! I am sure if you were to ask a woman, the majority will have experienced being lost in a car, with a man at some stage in their life! Again, due to their stubbornness in not asking for directions! God, it is so annoying when they are wrong at times, but it does not mean for is to question every decision men make, That means not constantly questioning knowledge such as “Why do you say that?” I am a guilty culprit and do it all the time… it’s a female thing I guess. We are all so bloody patronizing at times. My naturally investigative side from journalism sometimes doesn’t help either lol

Respect should also be paid and remembered for abilities. They do not want to hear “You can’t fix that, I’ll call an expert.” No guy wants to be shot down before even given the chance. Domination eliminates this questioning as you are told what to do, there is no shooting down before trying- only during perhaps!

Loyalty

support at all times

I believe men want to know that you are on their side. A kick buddy and someone they know that if they fondle you, that you won’t penalize them, but will pick the ball up and run with him. Men want to know that you are with all the way, through the good and bad times, and that you’ve always got his back.

Trust

Trust him and show him he can always trust you

Trust is a funny thing in that it must be earned. If over a period of time, a husband has earned his wife’s trust, then she should fully trust him unless there is a breach of trust. When a women trusts the man in her life, she should always have confidence that he is who he says he is. This means you should be the real deal, honest, action worthy, faithful and always has her best interests at heart.

My Alter Ego | Princess Pain, Inner Wrestling Dominatrix

As many of you already know, in my everyday life I prefer to be the “sweet, shy and submissive Sara”. Cruising through life in the back seat, I can certainly say I do not like to be in the spotlight and am a true introvert at heart. Then there is my other side My Alter Ego.

A strong and dominant alpha female first and foremost. You are probably wandering what I am trying to get at here but what I am trying to emphasize is that, there are times in our lives we may have to be someone we are not naturally inclined to be. Whether this be due to our job or a certain roleplay, but can still pretty damn good at it. My reason for this belief is due to a thing called alter egos.

My Alter Ego is called “Princess Pain”, I am sure you have heard me mention her by now. She is my inner wrestling dominatrix, meanie, badass Sara. She helps me become the character all you men dream of. In fact you will find most superstars have alter egos such as Beyoncé, Sasha Fierce, The Rock, and many great actors such as the late Robin Williams, who was a true introvert at heart.

An alter ego (Latin, “the other I”) is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person’s normal or original personality. A person who has an alter ego is said to lead a double life. Wikipedia

It is therefore not uncommon, but an ingenious way of transforming a person from who they are into who they need to be. Many people fall in love with the actors, athletes or persons alter ego, but do they ever really know the real person underneath.

So let me introduce you “Princess Pain” and what I vision her to look like in my head for any of you who wander what she may be like.

My Alter EgoShe is…

Dominant

With a serious stern look to the face, Princess Pain is one Wrestler you do not want to mess with.

Strong

Princess Pain loves to show off her strength, muscular and athletic physique by flexing and posing, as demonstrated by her cheeky bicep pose.

Sexy

Many people think that girls who lift become too muscular and masculine. I want to prove that you can be strong yet sexy, with curves in all the right places for any little black dress!

So. what are your thoughts on my Alter Ego “Princess Pain”?

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Why Are Men Attracted to Dominant Women?

In this article, “Why are men attracted to Dominant Women” I am going to discuss MY thoughts as to why men are attracted to dominant women. I am not referring to wrestlers or strong women but the personality element of Domination.

All women are different through and through, however you men may beg to differ…perhaps a few scorned ones!

Generally speaking the types of women that exist are Submissive, Dominant and the Self Sufficient aka. I Don’t Give a Fuck. Characteristics may prevail from each type however they primarily will favor one type.

The reason you have found yourself on my site and reading this blog post, already demonstrates that you too are intrigued or perhaps thrilled by these women. So I hope I nail this on the head! Here it is…

“ Real relationships in real life with overly dominant women do not work! “

Alpha Female & Alpha Male = Failure

Mr. Nice Guy & Dominant Female = Misery and Monogamy

Now, I am not saying that this is entirely the case as every relationship is different but you get what I mean. You see dominant females are the female equivalent to needy alpha males who set the boundaries in life. A real and true dominant person in real life you see will often have a tendency to be bossy and know how to make life hell! Once in a relationship these women tend to start issuing orders, standards and the rules she expects you her man to follow. And boy, if these rules are not attained to does she get pissed!

The result of failure to follow these is DRAMA and we all know how much you guys love that, NOT! This sometimes resorts in the monogamy Mr. Nice Guy route of ”anything for an easy life”. Dominants will tend to be high- drama, high maintenance and inflict high stress levels on you!

By now, I have probably put you off dominants forever however they do have some positive traits.

Dominant Women are often,

Very Smart

What manipulators aren’t?

Confident

Strong people always allure sexual appeal, even the most unattractive women!

Addictive

It’s nature, because it’s something you want but can’t always have for your own sanity reasons!

So, what I am saying is that the men that often fall for fun, feminine Dominants do so only to get in return drama and rules. Which ultimately ends in the man running away as far as he bloody well can!

Domination is therefore a fantasy and one that will never go away because for men, who are natural born leaders. It is something they think they would perhaps like, but in reality don’t! No body enjoys being told what to do all the time… Fantasy Domination sessions are therefore here to stay to help vent that addiction. It also allows it to remain temporary by letting men live there life by there own rules and be dominated when they chose to be under veto!

Please feel free comment and share your opinion on the matter too, any insight is welcome

If you would like to stay up to date with my latest articles and tour dates why not subscribe to Sara Lips Wrestling.