Today, we take an in depth look at the topic of Chemistry vs Attraction. It is usually presumed that both of these predeterminers, is needed to form a successful relationship. The confusion many people face, however, in trying to  understand the difference between the two, is often fascinating.

Chemistry vs Attraction

Attraction – Attraction is achieved when a woman is:

A) turned on by you at least to some degree and

B) feels somewhat safe with you.

Whether or not a women feels safe with you is based solely on your behaviour during dates or a session. It is important to remember that there is a fine line between coming across as horny vs. being sexual. Often you will see men comment on forums, about how you’re YMMV, an abbreviation for your mileage may vary. Meaning, what a session girl allows in a session is usually dependant on she feels on the day during your encounter. Attraction can play a part in this.

Women generally do understand how men can become extremely horny, as they possess higher sex drives. Beware however; as they will not be extremely supportive of this and always opt for the more sexual guys. This is because being horny is threatening and a turn-off. Being sexual is attractive and safe.

Whether or not she feels attracted to you, will depend on how well you rank against that number based on your appearance and behaviour she has set in her head.

Attraction isn’t very complicated. If she likes you and feels at least somewhat safe, you’re in.

Chemistry

Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry … this sounds pretties much the same as attraction, however it is a whole different ball game! Chemistry is actually quite complicated and delicate. Remember this is why many men fail to make it past the first date!

Attraction, which we have already discussed, is the combination of being turned on and feeling safe.

Chemistry however is the combination of attraction and compliance to a predetermined checklist.

Attraction is an important key component of chemistry. After all, the lady in question does have to be attracted to you. However, once she’s attracted to you, she will need another layer of complexity. This specifically applies to older women as opposed to younger women, who you will find do not care just so much.

Chemistry is a checklist of qualities, the lady in question has preselected for her ideal boyfriend or husband.

So, how do I make chemistry? You don’t have to actually say something to violate a chemistry-seeker’s checklist. It’s very easy to destroy chemistry non verbally. Maybe you have a habit of breathing heavy, or making an annoying noise whilst chewing your food. Maybe the way you dress isn’t what she would visualize her ideal future boyfriend/husband wearing. So even if you carefully control everything you say during a first date, you can easily violate a woman’s checklist and make chemistry impossible.

Why did she not text back?

If you have ever been on a first date and text a women, who did not responded. If her girlfriend asked her about the date, she probably would have said something like this, “He is a nice guy but there just “wasn’t any chemistry.”

It’s not that she wasn’t attracted to you. She was! Unfortunately, you just simply violated a few items on her list, eliminating the feminine concept of “chemistry.”

The lesson to be learnt is therefore, not to get too hung up on chemistry!

Make it past the First Date!

Attraction is directly within your control. You have vast control over your physical appearance, your fashion, and how you behave on a first or second date. Of course you can’t have sex with any woman you want. However, by controlling these three variables, you can create attraction with a much higher percentage of women you meet

Chemistry, however, isn’t really within your realm of control. Since attraction is 50% of chemistry, you can improve your odds of chemistry a little by ensuring attraction more often. The problem is created because you don’t know the exact checklist of that woman sitting next to you at the bar or across from you on a first date.

The only way to ensure you create chemistry with a new woman is to extract a copy of her checklist from her brain, memorize it, and then make sure you do not say or do anything that violates anything her list.

I hope you enjoyed, if you enjoy my blog posts please feel free to subscribe to my blog and leave any comments you think are worth sharing.

Today, we ask the question, can independent women be successful in love ? Often know for being hard, cold and unapproachable. At a first glance we would think not. So, what is this main reason for their unsuccessfulness in love?

Attitude.

Attitude is often the biggest problem independent women face in relationships. Being perceived as cold can pose a problem but remember that being perceived as powerful and strong can often be deemed an attractive property and perhaps even play a factor as to how these women get themselves into a relationship.

Once a relationship, if extremely independent the continue to live there lives as they would do so when single, this can pose a problem. This is often how cracks start to appear in the relationship.

Can independent women be successful in love ?

In life there are three types of women in regards to independence!

1.THE PRINCESS

This is the weakest kind of women; she will need absolutely everything done for her in life. A drainer perhaps, she will sound something like “I don’t know how to, I can’t do that, help me…” These kinds of women are not very independent at all.

 2. ULTRA INDEPENDENT

These types of women are quite the opposite to that of the “princesses” in life. In fact, these won’t even ask for any kind of help.. These type of women are usually very independent hence the name and anything they say will usually resemble something like this – “ I can do it myself.”

This is when having an ultra independent attitude in a relationship can create problems. You are probably thinking, now this is not a bad way to be, self sufficient, un-needy etc. But ask yourself, if this women says, “I can do it myself” enough to her other half or perhaps a guy when she is starting out dating, would this cause a problem?

Of, course!

This is because guys need to feel masculine. No strong guy is going to want to be around a woman who never lets him take care of her. It’s almost the equivalent of cutting their balls off.

Fair enough, these women argue “I can do it myself”, but what if it was said that it is weak to have to do everything yourself. And further, that it is a method of validation having to prove how strong you are.

If you find yourself in this category for women, ask yourself what kind of man do you want to attract? Most will often say masculine, however admit they unfortunately attract the weaker kind of pussy men in life! Perhaps this is why.

3. THE ONE

And so the final kind of women, which is one level above being an “Ultra Independent” is the one who says “I know I can do it myself, but I know it’s a lot of fun if I can have someone else do it for me.”

This is the only kind of independent woman, who can survive in a relationship. Why Is this? It is because she understands. She gets it. It is strong to be served.

The Best CEO’s in life know how to utilize help. Those who cannot get past being able to give over power will never be able to grow their business or get past being an entrepreneur. This stands for relationships too.

It does not make a woman strong if she keeps men at arms length because she doesn’t need them – men need women and women need men, it’s as simple as that, life just isn’t as fun without them. Yes, we understand women don’t need men for happiness etc. A woman however should be sure to bring her man into her life – as they can’t have nearly as much fun, if they can’t be a man around you!

Strong women do not need to exert their ultra independence. They can accept help. Why? Because, when you are already independent you are showing that you are in the relationship because you want to be with the person, not because you need to be with them.

Allow yourself to be the vulnerable one in the relationship as you will always be strong enough to get through. Which is funny because come to thing of it, do dominatrix’s not allow men serve them?

I hope you enjoyed reading my article, if you have any comments, please share in the comment box below. Remember to check out any upcoming tours

Sara Shows Co Worker Who’s Boss is a great video to add to your collection! So why, not go ahead and download it today…

When I think back on filming this video, I remember that it was the middle of summer in sunny Spain, with temperatures soaring above 30 degrees on average a day. So by the end of this video, it is not hard to imagine that I am absolutely drenched in sweat. My blouse was starting to resemble that of a wet T shirt competition.

The Story Line

My inspiration for this script come from one of you guys, expressing their ultimate fantasy. My role involves, myself acting as a secretary desperately trying to work her way up the work ladder in a large corporate company.  Good work ethic, integrity, morals and honesty are all important to me. I therefore refuse to be seen as a sex symbol, when my co worker accuses me of using my body to get what I want around the office! I will not allow him to get away with such derogatory comments.

My Co Worker

Is an absolute sexist pig. He thinks all women are sex objects and is convinced that any of my success in life has been achieved due to me having a pretty face and a nice ass. Nothing gets my blood boiling more than accusations that I have slept my way up the ladder to the where I am.

When I want to progress within the company, I am always highly determined putting in as much hard work and effort to prove myself worthy as viable partner. My risks are high now on ever making any promotions, due to my mouthy Co Worker. Further, I know that if I make a formal complaint against him, it would be looked down on by any other partners within the firm. It is a catch twenty two scenario.

It Was Time To Show Him Who Was Boss

This means that there is only time for one action. Yes that’ right Sara’s alter ego is about to let all hell let loose. I am determined to show this sexiest pig who is boss and put an end to his nastiness and bitterness forever. I will have him eat his own words and beg for mercy!

All I need is a good opening. And so, the time came after a heated discussion after work, this pig made a fatal error that would prove to be his demise. After casually mentioned that I trained and looked strong, he made a snide remark about being able to handle me. And so my opportunity arose…

I knew if we got down to it he wouldn’t stand a chance. I could feel my heart beating and the urge to crush his head between my thighs. Finally I heard the words “challenge” mumble from his mouth and a mixed wrestling match it was to be!

This dim-wit knew nothing of my past.  Assuming because I am a women that I am weak and submissive and he thought he would easily over power me. Ooh, how wrong he was going to be! I was going to take great pleasure in breaking this little bitch, not the ordinary breaking that I unleash on my clients. I mean the I can’t hear your taps bitch, you will learn who’s boss before I have finished with you. You will feel my wrath !

Sara Shows Co Worker Whos Boss


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Being healthy selfish is a very important topic for all you naturally submissive/givers of the world. The word selfish is often associated with being self-centered, out for yourself, arrogant etc. Healthy selfish however, is more about setting boundaries with yourself and others, so don’t worry you will still be a nice person!

It is about making sure that your “cup” is being filled, and when it starts to run low, you have the ability to recognize it and refill it up.

Making time for yourself

I always pride myself in responding to any emails received as fast as I can, with a personal touch and keen interest. This winter however, I have been touring more than usual, meaning more emails and room for potential time wasters… As a result of a busier schedule, I have had less time for myself, training and inevitably have become run down & unwell with the cold. (Boohoo!)

This has caused me to reassess things. Tours will be planned in advance, with sufficient recovery breaks in between and not be so harsh on myself with correspondence. My aim will be to reply to all emails within 24hours, or by the end of the following day. Rather than replying at various points throughout the day.

I also have to make a “no favors” rule for anyone, as I have learnt, it seems, the more you give the more you get let down and it is only fair everyone is treated equally, right?

If you are the type of person that can easily say “no” to others with a healthy motivation behind it, congrats! However you’re thinking if only it was that easy and often find yourself more often than not wanting to make others happy and as a result feel emotionally overwhelmed and/or drained, you might just need a quick lesson in healthy selfish.

As I mentioned earlier we often hear the word “selfish” and automatically equate it with unpleasant behavior. The word itself has a per-existing negative connotation because the definition of selfish is as follows: chiefly concerned with one’s own interest.

You may be asking, why am I promoting this displeasing behavior?

How to be Healthy Selfish

There are some distinguishing qualities that separate someone from being “selfish” vs “healthy selfish”

– Motivation
– Confidence
– Consequences.

Let’s revisit the cup analogy. Imagine a nice full cup, I personally like to imagine that mine is full of a warm cup of breakfast tea, but pick whatever fluid best fits you.

selfishNow because you’re such a kind soul, you enjoy sharing your tea…or what have you. You offer it up to your friends when they need comforting, your lover when they have needs, your children because someone has to take care of them, your boss when they don’t want to do their own job. Basically everyone is taking turns sipping at your cup, and when you have all of that to give, it’s super!!

Sometimes you have to say, enough is enough!

Now let’s say your significant other, boss or friends aren’t sipping from the cup, but rather taking shots from it as if they are on a bender at a nightclub. You find yourself in an uncomfortable position. Not wanting to rock the boat, or hurt anyone’s feelings so you allow them to keep taking. You find your cup is now very low. You’re exhausted, maybe you feel like a failure, maybe your angry and slightly resentful.

Don’t these people realize you are doing everything you can to quench their never-ending thirst?! No, not necessarily and sadly most people don’t realize this. Some people just downright don’t give a shit and will happily take advantage of your cup, and they’ll blame you when it’s empty. They are, dare we say *gasp* selfish?! Some of them, yes, but the worst reality is that they are right.

Why? Because, it’s your responsibility to tell people when you’re running low and don’t have much to give.

Time to be my kind of Selfish

The exciting part is you don’t have to be an asshole about it. You can simply say “no,” “not right now,” “unfortunately I can’t,” “I need some time for myself,” as well as a long list of other options. I was and still have the tendency to be a people pleaser, but I found the more people took, the less happy I was.
It is vital to be aware of the toxic people in your life. I’m not saying everyone is bad. Some are unaware, some have no idea that they are taking. People unfortunately, will prey on your kindness, like it’s a sport. This is a very disheartening experience.

Many clients who meet me as submissive and it often makes me wander if they find themselves hurt because they expect others to be nice, a little appreciative… etc. Having the expectation that someone will be nice to you in return, or be there for you is a set up. Not only to them, but also to yourself.

What I give, I expect to receive

I’m not saying don’t expect anything from anyone, but understand that kindness is a good deed, but reciprocation of a good deed makes it a job. Expect nothing from anyone. For when you receive something in return you will then be pleasantly surprised.

So what can we take away from healthy selfish?! It’s OK to say NO. The more you take time to fill up your own cup the more time you can give to others. When that cup is low, the quality of what you have to give will not be at it’s finest or coming from the best place. Don’t give all of yourself and then become disappointed or upset when it’s not returned. Learn how to set boundaries with people, and avoid being a doormat.

It’s incredibly empowering and this awareness and ability can change your relationships. Good and bad, will also make you feel more confident and help bring more positive people into your life.